How to Counsel When You’re Not a Counselor
As pastors and lay ministers, you often find yourselves in situations where members of your congregation seek counsel during times of distress, loss, or confusion. While providing spiritual guidance is central to your calling, stepping into the role of counselor can feel overwhelming, especially without formal training. However, by combining pastoral care with basic clinical insights, you can offer meaningful support while maintaining your spiritual mission.
Scriptural Foundation for Pastoral Counseling
Scripture offers powerful insights into how we can counsel others with care and wisdom. In Proverbs 19:20, we read, “Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future.” This reminds us of the importance of offering guidance that is both empathetic and wise. Listening well to the needs of those we serve can make a profound impact on their healing journey.
Pastoral counseling often begins with recognizing our role as spiritual leaders. Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Our role is not to solve every issue but to point others toward God’s healing presence, offering prayer and scripture as sources of strength and hope.
The Power of Empathetic Listening
At the heart of pastoral care is listening—truly hearing the hearts of those who come to us in need. This means more than offering advice; it means creating space for individuals to share their stories without fear of judgment. In counseling terms, this is called *active listening*. It involves being fully present, asking open-ended questions, and reflecting back what we hear to ensure understanding. For example, if a congregant expresses feeling overwhelmed, you might respond, “It sounds like you’re carrying a lot right now. Would you like to share more about what’s weighing on you?”
Such responses show care and build trust. They also align with the biblical principle found in James 1:19: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” Listening with empathy allows individuals to feel seen and valued, which is often the first step in their healing process.
Clinical Insights to Enhance Your Care
While you may not be a licensed counselor, understanding some basic principles of mental health can help you offer better care. For instance, recognizing the signs of grief or trauma allows you to provide appropriate support and refer individuals to licensed professionals when necessary.
Grief, for example, is often non-linear. Someone may seem to have moved past their sorrow, only to experience it more intensely later. By understanding that grief has stages—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—you can offer patience and compassion at any point in their journey.
Moreover, knowing when to refer someone to a professional counselor is crucial. Proverbs 11:14 says, “Where there is no guidance, the people fall, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.” Acknowledging that some issues, such as severe depression, anxiety, or trauma, require specialized care does not diminish your role but enhances your wisdom in shepherding.
Partnering with God in the Process
Ultimately, pastoral care is about walking with people as they encounter life’s struggles, pointing them toward God’s healing grace. As you provide comfort, counsel, and prayer, remember that God is the ultimate Counselor. Isaiah 9:6 calls Jesus our “Wonderful Counselor,” and it is on His wisdom and strength that we lean when offering support to others.
By blending scriptural wisdom with empathetic listening and clinical insight, you can provide valuable care, even when you’re not a counselor. Continue to pray for guidance and seek ongoing training that can help you better serve the emotional and spiritual needs of your congregation. Together with God’s help, we can be conduits of His healing presence.
Written by By Dr. Fred Hall
